Another day at work, more blood and guts
Am I still human or becoming a nut
Voices screaming, waiting to die
Why are these memories making me cry

The time has come, relief is here
Something is stirring, I know this is fear
The locker room I go, off comes the job
Another late night, better buy some grog

The locker's closed the cuffs away
My gun comes home, is this the last day
I'm hurting inside, don't know where to turn
I know one day I will crash and burn

Arriving at home, no-one is here
All I can hear a whisper in my ear
Drink up son, you won't remember
The look of the eight year old, you found dismembered

Another drink the tears are here
Now I am starting to tremble with fear
I look around, my mind's a mess
Looking for something, I'm in distress

There it is shiny and bold
Looking at me like I am old
Only young but so much pain
Should I end this, Yep I am game

Another drink, I'm dizzy and hot
Now is the time to get a clear shot
I open the chamber, in goes the rounds
Now I'm laughing like a clown

Last look in the mirror once and for all
Now the tears are becoming a ball
The steel is cold up against my head
Soon to be turning the colour red

I am crying so hard I cannot breath
My eyes are swelling I cannot see
The time is here my arm is sore
It won't be long till I'm in the morgue

I stand there silent wondering why
I can't pull the trigger, do I want to die
My finger is frozen, my face a lie
My life is misery, I was born to die

I swallow hard take a deep breath
Oh please God bring me some death
Yes it's here here it comes
I'm screaming now, it's not that long

The bullet rips through my brain
No more me, no more pain
I lay there bleeding all over the place
Look at the expressions on their face

Floating above, the job is done
Looking at my body my brains are gone
Coppers are there, wondering why
I have just noticed I can fly

Now an angel I look over some
Ones I care about many I love
I won't let this happen again and again
Welcome to the world of coppers strain.

The Pain Inside

Just a boy but hit so hard
it hurt so much that I fell down
Sometimes I cried myself to sleep
Sometimes I passed out it was defeat,

I lost my dad and my brother too
I tried to love and lost her too
My life was over before it begun
It had to end with a knife or gun,

The memories come back and play with me
Like a clown but I dont laugh with glee
Instead I cry or drink a lot
This life could end with just one shot,

Now a cop, I work somtimes hard
But still I cut myself with glass shard
It represents the pain I had
Of losing my love, My lovely dad,

My mum is mad and makes me the same
She makes me feel that I am lame
A nothing in this world of pain
The pain is making too much strain,

The strain becomes too much to hold
I want to die but aint that bold
But one day when I cry myself to sleep
I will be walking heavens beat,

I ask myself how can I have a life
When I cut myself with a knife
The steel so cold against my skin
Me a baby born in the bin,

I cannot go on anymore
The painful memories I adorn
I see the dead and homeless too
Why cant I die and become one with you,

I have swallowed pills hoping never to wake
and never had a birthday cake
I have never heard ,"I am proud of you"
But know one day a bullet will rip through,

Here I sit crying and drinking
Realising my life is nothing but stinking
I have a knife and am ready to die
I slash so hard, the blood really flies,

The blood is gushing all over the place
I slashed so hard, it's on my face
I laugh so hard but it feels like bliss
Will my mates remember their Chris,

Now in a field with heaps of silence
Realising finally the life of violence
That I once lived in a place I called hell
It was my mothers place, where I once fell.

I Can I Am

Can you wake up at 5am when you worked the evening before
Can you then keep your eyes open even though your body is sore
Can you not get upset whilst patrolling your beat
When your feet are hurting and you can't stand the heat.
I can and I am.

Can you look and treat everyone the same
Can you handle it when you get the blame
Because you are supposed to always be there
When someone is suffering and in despair
I can and I am

Can you keep control when a shooting is on
When you turn up and the person's brains are gone
Can you not hold back the anger and tears
Can you not go to sleep because your full of fear
I can and I am

Can you hold a strange man in the night
When his wife has died and has taken flight
Can you tell a child, mommy has died
Can you wear that uniform full of pride
I can and I am

Can you forget the nightmares you had
of a telling a normal family that their lost Dad
Can you testify in court along side your mates
When the traffic was too bad and you were just too late
I can and I am

Can you drink so much because you had a rough 12 hour day
When people have died and crooks held you at bay
Can you look at your family and tell them why
Why you get depressed when you see a innocent person die
I can and I am

Can you watch a man waive a knife in your face
Then get sued because you used the mace
Can you wait until you get home to break down and cry
Can you imagine life's that bad you want to die
I can and I am

Can I imagine not seeing anything bad
Can I imagine never getting sad
I am a Police Officer and all this I do
I sometimes wish this wasn't me and for one day be you.

War And The Police

It was an early start that day in the city
our briefing was at 4am
we closed the streets and took our points
to await our soldiers that returned from the fight

The streets were bare, traffic was gone
the barriers were up, birds singing their song
I was there in my uniform of blue
making sure no-one gets through

A short time later the soldiers walked by
some eyes filled with tears, like an unhappy goodbye
but these tears were from seeing aweful sights
not knowing each night where you may fight

Then as they marched in green and blue
I thought to myself I AM different to you
cause in my job it too is a war
but still don't know what we fight for

Is it justice, is it for peace
I wish the horrific sights would sometimes cease
we work all hours with minimal sleep
but still we have to protect our beat

There are difference's between our work
the soldiers got praise, we get called 'JERKS'
you did a tour of only a few months
my job won't end until I give up

Some of my people give up or fall
but in their hearts they give their all
all this I thought whilst you marched by
as the public don't care when a Police Officer dies...

Do You Know What I Do

Do you know what I do when you are asleep
When a call comes over and it's in my beat
I think to myself is this the night
When I might finally fall and fly like a kite

Is it a brawl, is it a man with no life
who is standing on the edge with no wife
she has left and he has nothing
but the boys in blue are there giving something

They talk him down he hops over the cliff
the boys in blue hide the sniff
There is a tear that falls down that cheek
Hoping that the outcome is not so bleak

They take him to a place that is supposed to help
Instead the bloke looks at me and is screaming for help
We hold him down whilst he is fighting so hard
I look in his eyes and understands what his life is so far

Most of the people I have taken there
Look at me and think you couldn’t bear
The pain and things I have seen
Mate I look at him and think, “I have seen what you could not bear.”

Do you think I haven’t seen people die
Do you think I haven’t been on a high
When I’m screaming down a dim lit street
Counting by the long hours so I can get some sleep

The next night comes and the night creeps along
Sometimes whilst in the truck I hum a sad song
I look at my partner and wonder why
Why a tear is rolling out of her eye

All I can do is hug her like a mate
Either of us not knowing our fate
Cause our job can change in a flash
But most people say we are corrupt and love the cash

Why can’t some people understand the position we are in
We can’t win or lose, we just have to grin
We have to look at someone die, someone in pain
We have to protect the streets and see people slain

All this I do whilst I am hungry and tired
Hoping that I don’t slip up as I might be fired
Whilst I hold you down can’t you just listen to me
I want to help you and go home and let sleeping dogs be

As I handcuff you and take you to my police car
I look at you and see myself at a quiet bar
I’m drinking to hide the violent and sad time’s
As I’m on the street’s fighting all these crimes

As I drink and sit there and look time go by
I wonder why I haven’t cried
Then I see a man walk into the bar
I sit up and realise it is the man I didn’t let go too far.

The Blue And Reds

When I first joined the job I didn't know why
A man in uniform had a drink and cried
I looked into his eyes, this very proud man
He told me to sit down and listen if I can

He told me of years of speeding down streets
The only home town he knew was his beat
He lived suburbs away, but worked in this town
Most of the time I saw him, he wore a frown

One day I was driving him to court for a case
On the way a job came over, a man hit a woman in the face
He looked at me and said, "I hope she's not dead"
His hand moved down and on came the blue and red's

I started to make the truck engine roar
I felt like I was ten foot tall
The traffic was heavy but he knew I was smooth
The siren making the drivers move

We turned up the man had a knife
He screamed at us, he had no life
The woman was bleeding, she had been hurt
I could see the blood beginning to spurt

We kicked in the door, he tried to go for my mate
If I didn't move, I could picture his fate
I grabbed his body and felt a hard hit
I tackled him and he started to spit

I cuffed him and looked at my arm
I saw the blood but still remained calm
My shirt was cut with blood, I thought I was dead
I then slowed down and looked outside at the blue and red's

My mates turned up and asked if I needed help
I looked at them bleeding and you know what I felt
I felt so proud with the police lights in my face
I knew with my heart I would win this case

Now I am the senior man on the truck
And now I am going to court not needing luck
My junior is driving and I sit there silent
Thinking of my dreams which have been often violent

Whilst sitting in the truck in my suit of blue
I can only hope I am different to you
You drop me at court and you think it's a game
But in this job there is no fame

Court is finished and I have won
The man's gone away, all I see is his son
A tear rolls down that small young cheek
All of a sudden my outcome looks so bleak

Should I have turned up at that job
Should I have spent a night, having a sob
Should I have locked his Daddy away with no key
Why couldn't he just let his wife be

I ask these questions so often to myself
It often catches up with my health
Cause I drink some nights till I get a dizzy head
Because most nights I used the blue and red's.

The Lights Are Flashing

I was observing in a Highway car one day
I was doing radar keeping the motorists at bay
They saw the mean car and the radar off the side
Their foot went on the brake and they did abide

I sat there listening to the V8 roar
The car lifted it's nose up and it felt like we soared
We were after a few heads in a stolen car
They were indeed all ready off and maybe far

My partner put the foot down and sideways we went
Hoping we would catch them and not get the car bent
We spun around I picked up the radio for the call
These crooks already made two cops fall

I looked at the dial and it was off the clock
I was hoping it would end soon and they'd be in the dock
But instead they kept going and we had to try
To keep up and not let an innocent person die

I remember the siren wailing and the cars moving quick
My partner yelled, "Lets give a bit more stick."
I kept calling the chase and hoping it would soon end
I hoped my partner or the crook would not loose it on a bend

We went through stop signs and crossing's alike
God I sat in the seat and got a fright
What if a child or an elderly person walked through
I know if I got this crook, I would crack and blame you

Why can't you just pull over and put your hands up
And I bet the first thing I hear is, "You are corrupt!"
But this is a dream, I have a bad feeling about this chase
Because I have chased some car's, but you have a reason to race

The holden I'm in, is running so hot
The engine is trying to cool, I'm worrying a lot
The tyre's are melting, there is not much left
I wish these crooks were not into theft

We take the left curve and you will never guess what
The car jumps sideways and we worry a lot
Time goes by so slow, but we know what we fear
The car starts rolling and you know what I hear

I hear the silence as I roll in my highway car
I look at the kerb and I'm not that far
There is a poll coming up fast, I hold on watching my life go past
I hope my partner is holding, as much as he can, as I know this hit will put me in a cast

But off course I fear the worst
My partner's head has finally burst
His brains and blood are on my shirt
I lean over and try to control the spurt

The next day I went to the hospital to say, "HI."
But instead I was identifying him and saying goodbye
His wife wasn't there to say the above
Instead I tried to save him with a glove

I had them on and wore them with pride
As I knew another police officer and mate might die
But instead I pushed his heart and said, "Come on"
But as I pushed and breathed I knew he was gone

I stared at the night and wondered why
Why a police officer had to die
I can never understand why the crooks have to run
But then I look at the bare sky and think, "The crooks think this is fun."

What He Feels

He finishes work and can’t stand to go home
Cause inside he knows he has to be alone
What he has seen, no-one will understand
The only people who do, work in his clan

The clan can’t go out for a beer
So instead he feels lonely and sheds a tear
He looks around as he sits in a quiet club
He wishes he had an ear, talking to his bud

But tonight he doesn’t, he is miles away
Like he is dreaming of a warm summer’s day
But instead his day was filled with anger and hate
But he still cracks a smile when he works with his mate

He comes home and feels a bit drunk
Remembering fighting all of the punks
He wants to just go to sleep and wake up alive
But instead it is a 6am start and his aim is to survive

Most days are easy and he does what he’s told
And at the end of the shift he feels so old
He has scraped up people and seen so much hate
You wonder why he calls his mate

He talks to him on the phone
Because he feels all alone
The day was long and didn’t seem to end
If he doesn’t talk to someone, he’ll go around the bend

His mate hangs up and he feels like no-one is there
He starts to sweat and realises no-one cares
He rings lifeline and other places
Whilst he remembers fallen faces

He then stands up and gets another drink
And realises how much his life really stinks
He gets his gun and puts it to his head
He honestly wants to make himself dead

He looks in the tele in the reflection of a candle
He thinks of his life, which he cannot handle
He sees the gun and wonders why
Why he would be prepared to die

He can’t understand why he is not dead
Then he thinks of his life, which hasn’t gone ahead
But today is the one day which he can’t repeat
Then he understands it is defeat

He cocks the gun and puts it to his chest
One good pull and he will rest
He looks at the tele where he silently sits
Soon his heart will be blown into bits

He feels the bullet fire into his heart
The force of the bullet blows his chest apart
He flies back and hits the wall
Finally a boy in blue couldn’t handle it all

He couldn’t handle the pain and blood
That sometimes flowed like a torrent flood
He knew no-one would never understand
What the boys in blue do in our clan.

Nightime

Am I mad or am I sane
Sometimes I have feelings I can’t explain
Most nights I cry myself to sleep
I lay there shaking, a nervous heap

I lay there alone and can’t close my eyes
I’m scared of having dreams where I always die
My job has a lot to do with the memories in my head
That’s why all my dreams involve the dead

After work I come home and drink
I sit there shaking trying to think
Heaps of pictures and voices scream through my head
Tears roll out of my eyes I wish I could go to bed

I always wake up throughout the night
Once again the dreams gave me a fright
I have to drink something to calm me down
But again I drink too much and here comes the frown

I don’t want attention or people to know
Especially when I’m depressed and feeling low
When I am down I don’t know where to turn
Dealing with what I’ve seen you cannot learn

I want to tell people what went on when I was young
It involved someone who called me a son
I can’t forget no matter what I do
I hope I don’t turn into a person like you

The memories are so real like it happened today
I should pack my bags and just drive away
People say they care all the time
But after a while it just sounds like a whine

It’s been a long time since I’ve seen my mum
But I can still remember the hits making me numb
Tonight is so bad I can’t stop crying
Tonight is the night I will be dying

I sit in my room and sit there silent
Knowing what I will do to myself, will be violent
Should I gas myself or swallow some pills
This time I will take enough not to make me just ill

I pop the whole pack into my hand
I start to cry wishing I wasn’t on this land
The song and memories flash through once more
I just can’t do it anymore, uphold the law

Some might miss me, more than I think
But they don’t understand that my life stinks
I start to swallow the pills, I’m feeling drousy
But I keep taking them, God I feel so lousy

Finally my last night is here, where I will rest
I can already hear my mate’s say, he was the best
I can feal my heart beginning to slow
I’m happy now, I am starting to go

I fall over and hit my head
I am floating above seeing myself dead
The boys in blue, zip me into a bag
The sight of their once mate, making them gag

Now in a quiet place, I roam with no pain
Please don’t think what I did was lame
There were so many things I just couldn’t tell
At least I didn’t end up in hell

I’m sorry to do that and leave so soon
I was only 28 but living with so much gloom
I am still lonely up here in the clouds above
But I pray for you now and still give you my love.

**Please note that these poems are copyrighted to their owner. If you have any comments for him, please email via myself (address below). Thank you. **