How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
What is the speed of dark?
When you're sending someone Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, its called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, its called cargo?
If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?
When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
What happened to the first 6 "ups"?
If a round peg fits in a round hole, and a square peg fits in a square hole, then why isn't the end of the penis shaped like an axe?
If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?
When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called, "Holes"?
If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Phillip's Screwdriver?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
If horrific means to make horrible, doesn't terrific mean to make terrible?
Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
"I am." is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I Do." is the longest sentence?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?
Laugh alone and world thinks you're an idiot.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
I don't suffer from insanity - I enjoy every minute of it!
It's lonely at the top, but you sure do eat better.
Consciousness - that annoying time between naps.
Lead me not into temptation - I can find it myself.
I'm out of bed and dressed - what more do you want?
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight!
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put it in Reverse?
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Lord save me from your followers.
Sex on television can't hurt you... unless you fall off.
If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
A Clean House Is A Sign Of A Misspent Life.
Help Keep the Kitchen Clean - Eat Out.
Support Cannibalism-EAT ME!
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
He who hesitates is probably right.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Money can't buy love. But it CAN rent a very close imitation.
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
Everybody repeat after me....."We are all individuals."
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.
Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you!
